Five Ways To Ruin A Marriage

by Dee Bowman

“Many married people, particularly husbands, need to learn that communication is not just being able to talk, but being able to listen as well” (That’s Life, db, p. 77).

Marriage is the oldest institution of God. It is the fabric for society and is among the choicest of all of God’s blessings to man. And yet, its joys and blessings have been eroded by the lack of concern for its sanctity and purity. Divorce runs rampant in this age. Extra-marital sex is now considered normal conduct in some (far too many!) circles. Loyalty and dedication are almost diminished today. Real love seems to have taken a holiday and disappeared.

The home has suffered irreparable damage as a result of the desecration of marriage in our culture. The role of the husband is, at best, nebulous and ill-defined. Wives have left the home in droves and are more interested, in many instances, with their careers than being a “keeper at home.” Children have become home-rulers, determining how and when time is used, how schedules are concocted, even, in many cases, how parents dress. They are the product of the ill-defined roles of both the husband and the wife.

Youth is the object of today’s society. Everything is done, everything is bought, every thing is planned in order that you “might look younger longer.” As a result of such thinking, the wisdom of age is disregarded, demeaned, degraded—even scoffed at. One of the cardinal sins of our society is getting old. Resultantly, the wisdom and experience of older people is not being used. Actually, the philosophy of today’s populace is that if it’s young its good and if it’s old it’s not.

I was just thinking recently about some of the things that have caused marriages to become unraveled and eventually be destroyed. I admit to being one of the world’s poorest marriage counselors. I mostly just listen and read scriptures. If husbands and wives won’t listen to that, I can’t do much for them. Actually, by the time most couples come to me for help, they have so complicated their relationship that only the Lord could work it out; and they aren’t inclined to listen to Him.

I want to cite: Five Ways To Ruin A Marriage

  1. Go your separate ways. Don’t do things together.
  2. Criticize. After all, if you can’t say it at home, where can you say it? And, don’t hold back. It’s the place to vent your wrath without restraint.
  3. Be sloppy. In your dress, in your speech, in your consideration of one another. Let your hair down. Every day.
  4. Be intolerant. Certainly you don’t have to tolerate all those personality deficiencies, all those little things you don’t like. Be up front about it. Nag.
  5. Never sympathize. Be autonomous. Why should you hurt just because he or she does? After all, it’s not your problem, not your deal. Do it your way. Don’t consult (That’s Life, db, p. 78).

So now you know. Just follow these simple rules and in just a few weeks you will have created an atmosphere that is charged and virulent. And then in a month or so, you’ll begin to feel put upon. Then you’ll start to feel sorry for yourself. And in just about a year, you may begin to look around some. And then…and then…

It’s just the Devil at work. It’s just his plan in action. Don’t fall into that trap. It’s a trap. Rather than subscribe to the above plan, why not,

  1. Talk to one another, find common interests. Build a home instead of just a house (Prov. 24:3).
  2. Encourage one another. Learn to listen. Give some room for mistakes. As John Wayne once said, “talk slow, talk low, and don’t say too much.”
  3. Learn patience. Love is patient (1 Cor. 13:4). You have warts, too, you know. Learn to disregard the insignificant, to tolerate the unimportant, to correct only when it’s important. Don’t make a hobby of criticizing. In other words, don’t nag (Prov. 26:20-21).
  4. Dress up sometimes. Put on something appealing, something crisp and clean—just to show that you’re still courting, that you still care. It’s part of living joyfully (Eccl. 9:9). No matter how old you are.
  5. Get involved. Involvement is a part of love (Rom. 12:15). And you can learn to care, you can learn to practice empathy. And it begins with loving your mate like you ought (Eph. 5:21-25).

Well, there—I’ve said it. I hope it will help some. It helped me to just say it. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to try and do better, OK, Shug?